With our archives now 3,500+ articles deep, we’ve decided to republish a classic piece each Friday to help our newer readers discover some of the best, evergreen gems from the past. This article was originally published in August 2013.
It’s a problem that has plagued men ever since Western society decided the male of our species had to wear pants instead of breezy togas or kilts.
I’m talking about swamp crotch: an uncomfortably moist nether region in which irritating chafing and stickage become commonplace and a distinct vinegar odor permeates from your groin.
Outbreaks of swamp crotch typically occur during hot and humid summers. Men who spend hours working hard in hot conditions — like soldiers and construction workers — are most susceptible to swamp crotch, though it can also strike men who spend a lot of time sitting — like motorcyclists, delivery truck drivers, and even office workers.
As a lifelong resident of perpetually hot and humid Oklahoma, I’ve had to battle swamp crotch every summer for most of my life. And I know that there are millions of men out there who are also suffering silently from this summertime malady.
The problem is that while there are plenty of products out there designed to prevent swamp crotch, nobody has really taken the time to test how effective each one is. As a result, men end up wasting money on products that offer subpar results.
So as a service to men everywhere, I decided I would scientifically test various swamp crotch prevention products and offer my unbiased findings. And by “scientifically” I mean I applied all of these products to my balls.
Below is my report.
Yes. Yes, I did apply all of these products to my groinal area. For science, of course.
Over the past month I personally tested the following 10 swamp crotch prevention products:
Gold Bond PowderGold Bond Powder SprayAll-Natural CornstarchFresh BallsJack Black Dry Down Friction-Free Powder [update: no longer available]Anti-Monkey Butt PowderBalla PowderBaby PowderPinaud-Clubman Body PowderDry+Goods Spray
Talcum-based products offer longer wetness protection than cornstarch-based products.The big downside with all powders is mess. If you’re not careful, it can get everywhere; if you put too much powder on, it can seep through your clothing, leaving behind a white powdery butt-print on whatever you were sitting on.Never underestimate the soothing, cooling, and tingling pleasure of medicated powder.Sprays are uncomfortably cold on your sensitive man parts.There are lots of companies taking regular old talcum powder, slapping a label on it with a silly name referring to a man’s genitals, and charging you an arm and a leg. Or an arm and a nut. Don’t be fooled.While talcum-based products last longer and are completely safe for men (despite websites and emails from your Aunt Nancy that say it causes testicular cancer), there are some studies that indicate talcum powder may increase the risk of ovarian cancer in women. Granted, the studies are inconclusive, but most doctors play it safe and recommend that gals use a cornstarch-based body powder instead of talcum powder when dusting their